Similar to climate change, productivity growth is discussed but little is done to address it. So far.
Lance Hoffanon, the Federal Minister for Productivity, will unveil a first-of-its-kind program on Monday to accelerate sluggish productivity growth, which is the key to long-term, sustainable economic growth.
The prohibition on ironing is the main component of the historic policy that the Albanese government hopes to recover its poling.
Mr. Hoffanon exclusively told The New Daily, "We asked the Productivity Commission to put aside all its theoretical whimsical waffle for once and give us a single concrete policy to really boost productivity in this country: the population needs to stop wasting so much time needlessly ironing clothes."
"No one ever paused to consider why ironed shirts were marketed as being better than the more organic, natural appearance of unironed shirts, shirts, and skirts that are content and self-assured in their own wrinkles during the lost decades when the Coalition was in power.
"The patriarchal colonizer mentality, which oppresses people by keeping them needlessly bound to the ironing board, should be viewed in the perspective of the Liberal Party's easy obsession with maintaining appearances.
"Schoolchildren will learn as much or as little as their uniforms come out of the dryer or off the line, Macquarie bankers will be just as filthy rich in crumpled cotton as in smooth, and the entire 'white collar' community will benefit immediately by ceasing uncreasing, wasting billions of man and woman hours ironing."
The purported productivity gains from working from home, which would eliminate the time spent commuting, thrilled some people. Naturally, when the additional time has only been spent viewing cat videos, the numbers have not reflected that.
However, the ironing ban is distinct. Although it will not free up enough time to commit to a streaming service, it will provide each person an additional 10 minutes per day on average for useful activities.
"We are talking about an extra couple of million person hours a day for the economy, give or take a bit for the tradies already ahead of the trend with polo shirts and football pants, given a workforce of 13 million people."
Beginning Monday, April 1, the government will prohibit the importation and sale of irons and ironing boards. Additionally, the government will start a significant advertising campaign that features prominent influencers praising the natural look of rumpled, wrinkled, and generally unsmoothed hair.
According to Mr. Hoffanon, "we are sure that Australians will swiftly accept this significant step forward in wardrobe liberation reflecting our lifestyle and aspirations." "You can expect to be the laughing stock of the watercooler set if you show up at work looking like a steam roller just messed with your clothes."
According to the Minister, pressing will be prohibited, but dry cleaners will be allowed to keep providing cleaning services.
The Minister said, "When you think about it, what moron ever thought that an uncreased shirt was somehow superior than one with character?"
"This is the way to go if we want a society that can raise salaries in a sustainable way."
The idea has been praised by the Business Council of Australia. It was thought that prohibiting ironing was a far more effective approach to increase productivity than waiting for Australian businesses to make investments in machinery and procedures that would increase production.
According to BCA spokesperson Intha Clubb, "you scarcely want to go investing in the company's long-term future instead of your bonus when you are functioning relatively well in a mon, du, or oli opoly and nobody's upsetting the boat."
"It is similar to salaries; it is simply easier to maintain them low rather than feel compelled to increase productivity," Ms. Clubb stated.
There are some wild theories about adopting a Darwinian business model, which would let companies that cannot afford higher pay fail and free up funds for more inventive and successful ventures.
"Well, it sounds awful, and it is not at all in line with socializing losses and privatizing profits, so you can bet that the C-suite will be showing up next week wearing wrinkled linen ensembles a la Byron Bay."
The Small Business Association of Australia was less enthusiastic, stating that although its dry cleaners would need to receive compensation for the lost revenue, they would be able to cope if the government provided the funding.
A spokeswoman stated, "We will go for it if we can avoid the difficult things that are otherwise involved in enhancing productivity."
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